Science: Real Good or THE BEST EVER??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

(Neither.)

Things We Have Learned So Far in SCIENCE:

• No more forests or prairies. :(
  
• Pixies are responsible for global warming, except for when it is fake and made up by Al Gore the Cannibal.
• Science is not a democracy.
• Sweaters are best when they have V-necks and also are orange. REALLY orange.
  
• 9/11 didn't change the human population size in the world (WHAT?).
• It is February. Winter is over because GLOBAL WARMING IT IS KILLING US ALL (I am qualified to make this assessment because I am from Cleveland).
  
• Coal. On a plate.
• The Sims is useful for science experiments.
  
• BOLOGNA DETECTION.
  
• Don't eat zebras. It's bad for the environment and makes all the poor babies die even more than they do already.
• Impervious = NO PENETRATION.
• West Virginia kills the most babies ever. This is because of COAL.
  
• Probably we are all going to die.

(We stole most of these fun facts from our notes, which also include things such as pictures of vagina octupi and pollution with a penis. A RED penis, at that.)

Science is the best because we learn SO MUCH and also because we play a lot of internet Scrabble (I mean Lexulous, don't sue us plz) and learn many words that use Q with no U and also "wickapes." Also sometimes we get to look at pictures of cool animals like the BIGGEST WEASEL EVER that is the size of a greyhound and also frogs. And lizards and reptiles and bugs maybe.

DID YOU KNOW? That there's a kind of beetle with a pokey spiky penis that can spread its babymaking better because its penis is the scariest bitch that ever lived? It's true. Beetle rape is the best part of science. LOOK IT UP. Actually don't, we did it for you.

We didn't learn that in science class, though. (Otherwise it would be in our bullet-point list.)

BEEF PRICES?

(Yes.)


XOXO,
Gossip Geckos


Science.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 80s - ARE THEY BACK??????

(No.)

However, a lot of important things have come out of the 80s like awfully terribly wonderful party themes for white people. And yellow blazers. And neon tights. AND PORK: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT SUNGLASSES!!!!!!!

Lately at the CoW, things have been a wee bit stressful but thankfully like all successful college students, we've been getting a little bit wasted and a lot of bit ridiculous pretty much every day, especially weekdays. Sometimes we also smoke things that are not technically legal. But only sometimes. And only while crossing Beall at like 11 o'clock, and why are we wasted at 11 again? Seems a little early. Sometimes we also drunk dial all of our sober friends at like 10 o'clock and tell them all about how we're wearing neon tights and no shirt. Things like that happen.

It's fuckin' Wooster, man.

(We put shirts back on before we drunkenly crossed Beall while smoking a joint, so no worries. Some of us actually never lost their shirts. Weird.)

In other news,

Chuck Bass II is doing pretty well with his plants and his penis snails. Except for the part where Lindsay almost killed him AGAIN by making him flop all over the desk (which, in case you were wondering, is NOT filled with water). Also forgot those damn drops again. Motherfucker, how am I supposed to remember that shit? OH the water you drink every day is actually FISH POISON WATER, seriously? What's up with that?

Speaking of Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl has not been on for like TWO WEEKS or some shit? What is that? The CW is a bunch of bitchass hookers. More importantly, the Office won't be new this week AGAIN. What is this mid-season we're going to take away the best shows bullshit? Fuck that. I'm We're going to shank so many hoes. NBC, CW. Just you wait.

Also, speaking of things that are bullshit, what is up with people just all up and jaunting off to Chicago for, like, PEACE and shit? No one likes peace anyway, and Quakers are only good for oatmeal (and even then, not that great).

[There was a section about sex here, but we took it out for everyone's sakes. Also because it was too graphic and we don't want to unleash our erotic fiction talents quite yet. Erotic fiction? Erotic facts!]

This is so much better than homework.

Also better than homework: The 80's.


That's all, gentle readers. (I like the part where no one is actually reading this.)

XOXO,
Gossip Carrots

HELLO AGAIN BLOG. BOY DO WE HAVE A STORY FOR YOU!!!!!

It's been a while, but now we are back... ish.

AND WE GOT A FISH OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

He is a Betta fish and his name is Chuck Bass II.

The Epic Story of Chuck Bass II (Part I)

Once upon a time, on a cold January day, there lived in Wooster two lasses of loneliness desperate for a friend. (Another friend, since they were also friends.) Their other friend, Sir Nathaniel Hoover, happened to know a great deal about fishes, which is a weird thing to know about, but they didn't judge.

"SIR NATHANIEL HOOVER," Lindsay cried through the internets, "WILT THOU ACCOMPANY A PAIR OF DAMOSELS ON THEIR QUEST TO MAKE A FISHY FRIEND?????"

And Sir Nathaniel Hoover said yes. Also they agreed to meet at the far pavilion.

And so the three friends journeyed to the forest Pet Store where they saw much fishes and were wonderly pleased. There were many great fishes, but none that stirred the hearts of the two damosels. And they searched for much time, but to no avail, and so were quite passingly wroth.

BUT THEN one of the damosels reached her pale white hand, clad in the finest samite, into the very darkest reaches of the very highest and most dangerous of shelves of fishes.

"BEHOLD!" Dame Alison announced. "I HAVE FOUND THE GREATEST FISH IN ALL THE LAND." And so it was.

The fish was clad in the reddest of all armours. He swam wonderly well and had upon him purple scales likened to the armour of the noblest of kings. He had the nose of a swine or else a Roman emperor and intelligence to match any other fish of his kind. His eyes shone brighter than the finest of precious jewels and his tail waved about like the finest hair of much fine and noble horses. He had all the nobility of a knight and possessed much worshipfulness.

Thus, with the swiftness of many great knights, the two damosels made purchase of the fish and all its accoutrements. And the fish was knighted Sir Chuck Bass II and he had many great deeds and adventures.

The end.

Fin.

PICTURES LOL.

No, for real. Chuck Bass II is the red thing.


(For Chuck Bass II, see top right hand bowl area. [Your right, our left.])


OH FUCK SHOULD'VE USED A CONDOM SHIT. KIDS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE SEX. ALSO THEN YOU DIE.


Coming Soon:

• Chuck Bass II Furnishes His Home
• Chuck Bass II Gets Friends
• Chuck Bass II Attacks
• Chuck Bass II Almost Dies When Lindsay Forgets to Purify His Water
• Chuck Bass II Almost Suffocates on His Own Poop When Alison Doesn't Change His Damn Water

xoxo,
Gossip Girl