An Inconvenient Swine Flu

Dearest Blog,

Today is a sad sad day in history. We regret to inform you, wonderful blog readers, that today is the LAST DAY OF SCIENCE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We'll give you a moment to dry your tears of abject despair.

We were supposed to go on a SECRET FIELD TRIP to some park to pull up weeds or something but then Mother Nature was all, "HEY HAVE LIKE 32 SECONDS OF RAIN LOL" so instead we just got really wet and now we're watching An Inconvenient Truth and eating out of a giant bowl of science candy.

But really what we want to talk about here isn't global warming. You guys know all about global warming from our blog already. This post is about something much more serious...

SWINEFLU.

Swine flu.

SWINE FLUUUUUU!!!!

Shit.

Everyone is very worried about swine flu, but thankfully drastic measures are being taken to protect us all from this deadly epidemic. For example, our school just sent out an email telling us that we should probably wash our hands after we poo. (Like that's going to happen.)

But more importantly, we know about fifty people who have gotten swine flu, including Bryn (except that he's denying it, and probably going to die). Also, Taylor's nose is starting to look decidedly piggish. We are very concerned and have considered disposing of her out of the screen/penis hole, for the sake of everyone involved. It's quite a worrisome issue.

For your assistance, therefore, we've decided to give you a list of signs that your friends (or you) might have swine flu.

It might be swine flu if:

• The subject's nose is starting to turn up in a piggish way
• The subject has begun to snort while laughing (or eating) (more than usual). ALSO the bloggers peed their pants before writing this blog. (Thanks Bryn.)
  
• the subject's fingers are beginning to separate in a worryingly Star Trek-esque way (thankfully, this means Alison cannot contract the swine flu -- be relieved)
• The subject has begun to sprout coarse dark hairs from his or her behind area
• The subject has a tail - it is curly like those french fries from Arby's (side note -- have you ever noticed how much the Arby's cowboy hat looks like a penis? what about those commercials where a hot girl comes into a room with Arby's food and an Arby's cowboy hat pops up on top of the guy's head? JUST LIKE AN ERECTION ONLY ON HIS HEAD. suspicious.)
• Or just go here: http://doihaveswineflu.org/
  

AND NOW FOR A GUEST BLOG FROM BRYN IN THE LAST SCIENCE BLOG EVER:

"the inconvient truth is not better than transformers. Meghan fox was bangers though. WE ARE WATCHING SCIENCE FICTION THEATRE 3000.
Polar bears live on glaciers, since there are no longer glaciers. they are FUCKED, but also indestrucatble."

I think mostly what we can learn from this is that Bryn can't spell. Also, we are, in fact, watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000, since Al Gore broke the TV with his uncontrollable rage against climate change, or something. So there are robots, and a movie about wagons. This shit is so good I don't even know how to make fun of it.

I feel really uncomfortable with the part where we would probably do something like this in our free time, only it wouldn't involve science. (Probably.) It would be like Mystery English Theatre 3000 and we'd make fun of Wishbone or some shit. (Holy shit, can we do that for real? Please?)

Some carrots become GOSSIP CARROTS. Oh hell yes.

Hands down best day of science ever.


XOXO,
Gossip Swine