GOOD NEWS AMERICA

WE'RE COMING BACK TO YOU IN 4-5 DAYS!!!!!!!

Here is some final advice to Italy:

• Try being more like America.
  

We will miss Italy we guess, but we are super excited to do lots of American things like be fat and drink gross beer and Christmas. Also excited for beer pong and smelling weed through the windows of our glorious room wherever it will be (because wherever it will be there will also be potheads smoking outside our window, obviously) and basically being on a college campus again. Yay college campuses! Yay Holden Annex! Yay Lowry workers! Even you, Linda. (Actually, maybe not you, Linda.) Soon we will see the ugly table again! We've missed the ugly table, as well as the overflow ugly table for those days when one just isn't enough.

Also, the return of Games to Play in the Cafeteria, since we don't even HAVE a cafeteria here, so there's no way to play them. BUT WE WILL SEE YOU SOON Jew-tip, don't you worry. Fox Hat Girl, our return is nigh. Be ready, Teen Wolf. WE'RE COMING.

It has been a ROLLER COASTER OF A SEMESTER LOL so we should probably show you some highlights right now, since usually we were too lazy to blog about them.

FLORENCE, which both is a suckfest of awful and also pretty cool. VENICE which actually has water and stuff, weird. PERUGIA for chocolate, otherwise, not that cool. Actually, still not that cool, wish there was more free chocolate, assholes. Also where that study abroad girl supposedly murdered her roommate because of Satan or whatever. (Whatever = orgy) Probably cause they didn't give her enough free chocolate and she was pissed/horny for the devil. PISA/BOLOGNA, it's been real. Real train station-y. That's about it for you guys. SAN GIMINGIDSNIGDSNKLO, please get a different name, hard to spell, and we don't like it. San Gimignano, maybe. Something. Whatever. Anyway your towers were kinda okay. WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO VOLTERRA AND SEEN ALL THE VAMPIRES, but clearly we're idiots. We already told y'all about FALL BREAK OH NINE. MAREMMA where olives suck but the Mediterranean is pretty great and full of NAKED GIRLS OH YEAH. We went to Pienza, also, for like half a second when we were all tired after Maremma, it was okay.

If we went other places, OOOPS they probably sucked cause we forgot them.

(Alison went to Rome, it was okay, there was a creepy cripple on a skateboard that kinda sucked.)

BUT NOW it's time for AMERICA YEAH. Here is a list of things for real we are looking forward to, because we're all about lists:

• Dogs
  
• Peanut butter
• Peanut butter
• Mexican food
• Thai food
• Indian food
• Vietnamese food
• Not Italian food
• Fake Italian food at Italian restaurants
  
• Family I guess
• BOOZIN
• COLLEDGE
• CHRISTMAS AND PRESENTS
• A dwindling presence of Catholicism
• Trees
• Nature
• ENGLISH
• ENGLISH ENGLISH ENGLISH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT
• Snow?... undecided
• Cars
• FREINZ
• MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN that don't wear hair gel or skinny jeans or man purses.
  

Probably other stuff, too. But it is lunch time, blog.

XOXO,
GOSSIP AMERICANZ

DEAR AMERICA

And also Italy,

We are going to go to Spain and Scotland for a few days, because we prefer countries that start with S's.

With love,
Gossip SSSSSsssssnakes?

P.S. COMING SOON: Venice Florence (how it sucks and all the hott boyz we met there) Life OUTSIDE of Italy (and America) and SO MUCH MORE.

"EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME, YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU! BABY!"

quoth the Italians, evermore. (But only Italian men. Italian women just look at you like you just rolled in mud or something or smell really bad. WHATEVER ITALIAN WOMEN, just 'cause you're hott don't mean you gotta be bitchazzz.)

Here is a story about Italy and the way weather works. For many weeks it will be roughly 1 billion degrees (80) and then all of a sudden out of nowhere it's like 50 forever. AND THERE IS NO HEATZ INDOORS. Not until November because they care about the environment so it's the law or some shit. We would rather the polar bears died so we could be warm.

FA FREDDISSISSISSIMO. (It's really fucking cold.)

ANYWAY AMERICA, what up? Here in Italy things have been pretty okay lately. Like, last weekend we went to an agriturismo (TOURIST FARM KIND OF LIKE DWIGHT'S BEET FARM BUT WITHOUT AN IRRIGATION ROOM) and watched them make olive oil and gross cheese in a bucket for a thousand hours. This sucked, so instead of paying attention we took a lot of pictures of the Tuscan wildlife, such as chickens. Seriously who wants to watch an old dude up to his elbows in cheese you're going to eat later? Not me. There was also a really great dog. (THIS PICTURE IS REAL IT IS THE REAL DOG IT IS SO REAL.)

OH WAIT ALSO here is how you harvest olives: you rake trees over a blanket. The end. (SO FUN RIGHT????????)

We have also been learning a lot about ART. Like, did you know there was a famous Sienese artist (or as famous as Sienese artists ever are, anyway) whose nickname was "The Sodomist"??? Apparently doin' it in the butt was totally cool back then. People were like, "Oh, this dude does it in the butt all the time. Also he makes really good art. Let's call him The Sodomist and let him paint in all our important buildings! God will love it." Actually, Siena has never really been that into God much. Like there are these paintings in this SECRET CRYPT under the cathedral or whatever that are all about Jesus going to school and eating figs and shit. That shit totally wouldn't fly somewhere else where they actually liked God, such as Florence (Florence sucks). (For real, worst city ever.) (WORST.) (Ever.) There's also this really great painting in some former hospital dealio where this lady is holding a baby that looks like a tiny old man and he has her boob out and he's pointing it at this crippled dude like he's totally going to squirt him in his crippled face. Best.

Also once there was a naked Eve statue in the fountain but then the plague hit and everyone was like "SHIT why is the plague here???? Probz naked EVESINNERBITCH. Get rid of her." So they did, which is sad, because I kind of wanted to look at a naked chick everyday in the campo. Also, everyone died anyway so it didn't really help much in the end. (Seriously. The plague bitchslapped 80 percent of Siena. In a dead way.)

Did we mention that it's FUCKING COLD???? Seriously, who has to wear babushka scarves INSIDE IN FLLALAAALLL AUTUMN. Us. That is the answer. We look like two little old blogging ladies blogging in the dead of a Russian winter or something. I AM WEARING TIGHTS UNDER MY PANTS. AND undies. (No undies.)

OK so also this weekend we went to the BEST GARDEN EVER. Once upon a time there was a cracked out lady with a name that doesn't matter and she made a shitload of fucked up statues based off of tarot cards. They all had the hugest boobs. Or three penises. So naturally we appreciated this fine art by climbing all over it and taking a lot of obnoxious pictures and putting them on facebook. So if you want to check out the crazy boob sculptures, check our facebooks. If you are not facebook friends with us, TOO BAD FOR YOU. Hookers.

Also we sincerely hope that our blogging antics have not cost Brin Rainflower Sunbeam Petunia Waterfall Tree Turtle Hunter Rainbow Pigeon a job. Because we love him and would never want to ruin his life in such a way. (In other ways, potentially. HEY BRIN WHATCHA DOIN FOR SPRING BREAK????? NOT THAT YOU HAVE THOSE ANYMORE BUT WE DO LET'S HANG OUT)

THIS ENTRY IS SO LONG (that's what she said) and so we're gonna wrap it up.

FUN FACT: Just like the blogging on this blog in olden days, we have been blogging IN CLASS YES. SUCK IT ITALIAN.

XOXO,
Gossip Babushkas