GOOD NEWS AMERICA

WE'RE COMING BACK TO YOU IN 4-5 DAYS!!!!!!!

Here is some final advice to Italy:

• Try being more like America.
  

We will miss Italy we guess, but we are super excited to do lots of American things like be fat and drink gross beer and Christmas. Also excited for beer pong and smelling weed through the windows of our glorious room wherever it will be (because wherever it will be there will also be potheads smoking outside our window, obviously) and basically being on a college campus again. Yay college campuses! Yay Holden Annex! Yay Lowry workers! Even you, Linda. (Actually, maybe not you, Linda.) Soon we will see the ugly table again! We've missed the ugly table, as well as the overflow ugly table for those days when one just isn't enough.

Also, the return of Games to Play in the Cafeteria, since we don't even HAVE a cafeteria here, so there's no way to play them. BUT WE WILL SEE YOU SOON Jew-tip, don't you worry. Fox Hat Girl, our return is nigh. Be ready, Teen Wolf. WE'RE COMING.

It has been a ROLLER COASTER OF A SEMESTER LOL so we should probably show you some highlights right now, since usually we were too lazy to blog about them.

FLORENCE, which both is a suckfest of awful and also pretty cool. VENICE which actually has water and stuff, weird. PERUGIA for chocolate, otherwise, not that cool. Actually, still not that cool, wish there was more free chocolate, assholes. Also where that study abroad girl supposedly murdered her roommate because of Satan or whatever. (Whatever = orgy) Probably cause they didn't give her enough free chocolate and she was pissed/horny for the devil. PISA/BOLOGNA, it's been real. Real train station-y. That's about it for you guys. SAN GIMINGIDSNIGDSNKLO, please get a different name, hard to spell, and we don't like it. San Gimignano, maybe. Something. Whatever. Anyway your towers were kinda okay. WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO VOLTERRA AND SEEN ALL THE VAMPIRES, but clearly we're idiots. We already told y'all about FALL BREAK OH NINE. MAREMMA where olives suck but the Mediterranean is pretty great and full of NAKED GIRLS OH YEAH. We went to Pienza, also, for like half a second when we were all tired after Maremma, it was okay.

If we went other places, OOOPS they probably sucked cause we forgot them.

(Alison went to Rome, it was okay, there was a creepy cripple on a skateboard that kinda sucked.)

BUT NOW it's time for AMERICA YEAH. Here is a list of things for real we are looking forward to, because we're all about lists:

• Dogs
  
• Peanut butter
• Peanut butter
• Mexican food
• Thai food
• Indian food
• Vietnamese food
• Not Italian food
• Fake Italian food at Italian restaurants
  
• Family I guess
• BOOZIN
• COLLEDGE
• CHRISTMAS AND PRESENTS
• A dwindling presence of Catholicism
• Trees
• Nature
• ENGLISH
• ENGLISH ENGLISH ENGLISH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT
• Snow?... undecided
• Cars
• FREINZ
• MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN that don't wear hair gel or skinny jeans or man purses.
  

Probably other stuff, too. But it is lunch time, blog.

XOXO,
GOSSIP AMERICANZ

"I'm an old-fashioned swamp lover myself..."

APPARENTLY, all the water ever on the earth is disappearing, which blows real hard. One time, the government was all, "You know what we DON'T need? Those god damn swamp bullshits." So then they paid SWAMPBUSTERS to drain all the swamps. This is why we are the smartest country ever. (Even though, in all fairness, this was a long long time ago, like before Britney Spears. And not just Womanizer-era Britney Spears, either. This was like WAY long ago, like before Baby One More Time and everything. You know, before she shaved her head, and even before she became a whore. And WAY before K-Fed and also Jamie Lynn popping out like 17 babies. Not to mention before Britney even pooped out a baby. We're talking practically the Stone Age. But with fewer swamps.)

(Britney Spears, circa CRAZY TIME 2000-something)

Blog, it's been kind of a while, like a week maybe, and we feel kind of bad about that, but we've been busy with some organic garden bullshit and its been taking a toll on our ability to blog, since there's no other time we aren't sleeping or getting it on if we aren't in this class. Maybe homework or eatin or some shit, but damn there ain't been no bloggin time. What are we going to do after this class?

(Father Time, bein a bitch and not letting us blog, circa 2009)

SUPER POLL 2009!!!!!! What should we do when we aren't together this summer?

1. SEPARATE BLOGGING (this one makes me weep a little)
   
2. VIDEOBLOGGING (I don't even know how to do that shit, but we could probably make it happen... but I don't really want it to, let's be real, you don't need to hear us and have to look at us and stuff. Maybe if we wore masks)
   
3. BLOGGING IN ITALY FOREVER! (yes) (but what about the summer when we are takin care of kids and some shit?!?!)
4. LETTING THE BLOG DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE :( :( :( :( :( :( :9 (but let's be real, no one wants that... our incredibly loyal and violent fanbase would rise up in protest and shank one million bitches at least (and while the world could deal with less bitches, we don't want our following imprisoned... yet.)

(The Great Blog Protest, circa THE FUTURE)

OH MY GOD THE DEAD ZONE. You can't escape this shit. I mean, you can TRY, but it will always find you. It knows where you are, and what you're thinking, and what you ate for dinner and the last time you pooped and EVERYTHING. It is like God in that way. Or Santa Claus. Or Sherlock Holmes/William of Baskerville. (Discussion question: Are medieval literature references ever appropriate in blogs? If so, how many may one make before he or she deserves to be ritually slaughtered?) (Note: We did write a whole article in medieval tongue... BUT IT WAS ABOUT CHUCK BASS II, which makes it more than ok.)

I think that's everything useful we have to say.

XOXO,
Gossip Swamps

BORED IN YOUR CAFETERIA?!?!! OMG GAMES.

Because science (esp. polar bear class) is bullshit, we're going to mix things up and help out the community by talking, not about science, but about sweet and radical games you can play in your own college cafeterias.


Find the Hot Girl (for 2-17 players)
Depending on your college campus, this game could prove incredibly challenging.



What you need:

• Eyes
• A good seat for creeping
• A hot girl

Instructions: Gather your friends and sit around a table in your cafeteria. Without being too obvious (it's a good idea to have food and drinks to at least look as though you should be there), look for a hot girl. When you've found one, point her out. You only win if everyone agrees she's hot.

I Spy a Creeper (for 2-infinite players)
Depending on your college campus, this game could be far too easy.



What you need:

• Eyes
• A well-developed sense of social acceptability
  
• Creepers

Instructions: As above, except that you're looking for the most creepy/ugly/disgusting/terrifying/unhygienic diners you can find. Also, no one wins. If you really need a winner, assign points to certain habitual creepers. The first to find them gets the points.

HINT: NEVER use the creepers' real names. Instead, assign them nicknames. Some examples include: Fox Hat Girl, Weasel Chin, Goatbeard, Baby Clown Girl, Freakishly Tall Kid, Ugly Jesus, etc.

What Is It? (for 2-infinite players)
Sometimes there are people whose gender is ambiguous. This game attempts to solve such ambiguities.


What you need:

• Eyes
• An "it"
• An inappropriate level of boldness (this game often requires it)
  

Instructions: Carefully watch as diners move about the cafeteria. If you spot a person whose gender appears questionable, announce "BOY OR GIRL?!?!" Your table then commences to speculate on the gender of the person in question. You win if you can definitively prove whether "it" is a boy or a girl.

HINT: Interaction IS allowed. However, you cannot actually ask the person their gender. This is considered a serious breach of the rules and will result in immediate disqualification.

Couple Creepin' (for 2-however many players can handle it)
Sometimes, people think that a college cafeteria is an appropriate place to touch each other. Usually, these people are incredibly unattractive.


What you need:

• Eyes
• Fucking creepy couples
• A strong constitution

Instructions: Identify and point out for your friends/tablemates gross couples engaging in highly inappropriate physical activities (some of these activities include: holding hands while eating, nuzzling, putting scarves on one another, sitting on each other's laps, prolonged goodbyes involving more kissing than anyone ever wanted to see while eating shitty cafeteria food, etc). Watch them until you can't take it anymore. You win if they stop while you're watching. You lose if they catch you creeping. Or in general, actually.


P.S. Taylor would like you to know that babies are NOT dildos.

XOXO,
Gossip Games

A DEAD ZONE THE SIZE OF TEXAS OMG OMG OMG

I'm not sure where this is because I wasn't listening, but that's a fucking big dead zone.

So it's MARCH 24 and we are back after two long and grueling weeks of spring break. It's polar bear class time and we just learned that we're all going to die. Again. This is a common theme in polar bear class, along with GLOBAL WARMING and pixies and shit.

OH SHIT THE SAHARA IS CREEPING SOUTH. Someone stop it before it eats all the babies. Speaking of creeping, apparently things creeped all over the place in Bible times. God was all, "Noah, build a big fucking boat 'cause I'm gonna fuck up your shit, oh p.s. take some of those creeping things that creep along the earth and are creeping." Not even kidding. Also, a direct quote.

GOD DAMN POLAR BEAR CLASS IS LONG. (like my penis lolololololol)

Speaking of ... nothing we were speaking of, let's talk about DREAMS THAT INCLUDE BEARD HOODS AND C-SECTION 1-INCH BABIES.

...

Actually, let's not.

Polar bear class professor: "I love meat. I. LOVE. MEAT."

In other news, Bryn is a pansy-ass bitch.


XOXO,
Gossip Creeps