GOOD NEWS AMERICA

WE'RE COMING BACK TO YOU IN 4-5 DAYS!!!!!!!

Here is some final advice to Italy:

• Try being more like America.
  

We will miss Italy we guess, but we are super excited to do lots of American things like be fat and drink gross beer and Christmas. Also excited for beer pong and smelling weed through the windows of our glorious room wherever it will be (because wherever it will be there will also be potheads smoking outside our window, obviously) and basically being on a college campus again. Yay college campuses! Yay Holden Annex! Yay Lowry workers! Even you, Linda. (Actually, maybe not you, Linda.) Soon we will see the ugly table again! We've missed the ugly table, as well as the overflow ugly table for those days when one just isn't enough.

Also, the return of Games to Play in the Cafeteria, since we don't even HAVE a cafeteria here, so there's no way to play them. BUT WE WILL SEE YOU SOON Jew-tip, don't you worry. Fox Hat Girl, our return is nigh. Be ready, Teen Wolf. WE'RE COMING.

It has been a ROLLER COASTER OF A SEMESTER LOL so we should probably show you some highlights right now, since usually we were too lazy to blog about them.

FLORENCE, which both is a suckfest of awful and also pretty cool. VENICE which actually has water and stuff, weird. PERUGIA for chocolate, otherwise, not that cool. Actually, still not that cool, wish there was more free chocolate, assholes. Also where that study abroad girl supposedly murdered her roommate because of Satan or whatever. (Whatever = orgy) Probably cause they didn't give her enough free chocolate and she was pissed/horny for the devil. PISA/BOLOGNA, it's been real. Real train station-y. That's about it for you guys. SAN GIMINGIDSNIGDSNKLO, please get a different name, hard to spell, and we don't like it. San Gimignano, maybe. Something. Whatever. Anyway your towers were kinda okay. WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO VOLTERRA AND SEEN ALL THE VAMPIRES, but clearly we're idiots. We already told y'all about FALL BREAK OH NINE. MAREMMA where olives suck but the Mediterranean is pretty great and full of NAKED GIRLS OH YEAH. We went to Pienza, also, for like half a second when we were all tired after Maremma, it was okay.

If we went other places, OOOPS they probably sucked cause we forgot them.

(Alison went to Rome, it was okay, there was a creepy cripple on a skateboard that kinda sucked.)

BUT NOW it's time for AMERICA YEAH. Here is a list of things for real we are looking forward to, because we're all about lists:

• Dogs
  
• Peanut butter
• Peanut butter
• Mexican food
• Thai food
• Indian food
• Vietnamese food
• Not Italian food
• Fake Italian food at Italian restaurants
  
• Family I guess
• BOOZIN
• COLLEDGE
• CHRISTMAS AND PRESENTS
• A dwindling presence of Catholicism
• Trees
• Nature
• ENGLISH
• ENGLISH ENGLISH ENGLISH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT
• Snow?... undecided
• Cars
• FREINZ
• MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN that don't wear hair gel or skinny jeans or man purses.
  

Probably other stuff, too. But it is lunch time, blog.

XOXO,
GOSSIP AMERICANZ

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYZ

We're in ITALY OMG. The keyboards in Italy suck real hard. All the punctuation is in weird places. Here's a euro €. €€€€€€€ <--- that is how rich we are. Actually that is a lie. We are none rich because Italy is way expensive. Gelato is cheap though. So we are none rich except in kilograms. But maybe not because we walk EVERYWHERE because the streets in Siena are too tiny for cars, not that that stops people from trying to run you down while you are innocently walking to Il Campo or some shit.

SO WE WILL GAIN WEIGHT IN MUSCLE ARRRRRRRR.

In other news, here are some cool things about Italia / Italiano:

• If you don't dry your hair after you shower YOU WILL DIE. (Or at least all the Italians think so. Also if you don't wear shoes. Or if your window is open at night.)
• The equivalent to Fluffy is Foofi.
• Dubbing is their favorite. Tons of American films - tons of dubbing.
  
• BAMBINI
• All the women are hot.
  
• We have not, however, spotted very many hot men. Minus all the professors at the Siena School OF COURSE. We saw the creative writing teacher from afar and he appears to be quite the silver fox. School has never been so exciting.
• Logan likes penises.
• SKIRTS AND DRESSES EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME OMGOMGOMG BEST SKIRT SEMESTER EVER.
• Everything is pretty. Everything. (Not Logan.)
• The Ram contrada is the best contrada. Even though it hasn't won anything for like 20 years or something.
• False. Clearly la torre (TOWER) and tartuca (TURTLELOL) are better. When I figure out which one I'm supposed to like I'll let y'all know which is best.
• LA TORRE HAS AN ELEPHANT OK.
• Actually, we also saw one that we're pretty sure is a half unicorn, half lion. That one is probably the best, let's be real.
• HELL YES there are gas stations with weird dragon/horse bodies. It's got six legs and breathes fire. It's on all the signs and even the Italians don't know what the fuck it is. (We asked.)
• Basilicas. (You know. Churches with bits of dead saints in them.) (Also they don't let you in if you're dressed like a skank.)
  

We only have fifteen minutes before we start to learn Italian, and we obviously have to obnoxiously post this link to about a billion facebook profiles, so peace out girl scouts.

CIAO.

xoxo,
Gossip Basilicas (except skanky)

A DEAD ZONE THE SIZE OF TEXAS OMG OMG OMG

I'm not sure where this is because I wasn't listening, but that's a fucking big dead zone.

So it's MARCH 24 and we are back after two long and grueling weeks of spring break. It's polar bear class time and we just learned that we're all going to die. Again. This is a common theme in polar bear class, along with GLOBAL WARMING and pixies and shit.

OH SHIT THE SAHARA IS CREEPING SOUTH. Someone stop it before it eats all the babies. Speaking of creeping, apparently things creeped all over the place in Bible times. God was all, "Noah, build a big fucking boat 'cause I'm gonna fuck up your shit, oh p.s. take some of those creeping things that creep along the earth and are creeping." Not even kidding. Also, a direct quote.

GOD DAMN POLAR BEAR CLASS IS LONG. (like my penis lolololololol)

Speaking of ... nothing we were speaking of, let's talk about DREAMS THAT INCLUDE BEARD HOODS AND C-SECTION 1-INCH BABIES.

...

Actually, let's not.

Polar bear class professor: "I love meat. I. LOVE. MEAT."

In other news, Bryn is a pansy-ass bitch.


XOXO,
Gossip Creeps

Science: Real Good or THE BEST EVER??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

(Neither.)

Things We Have Learned So Far in SCIENCE:

• No more forests or prairies. :(
  
• Pixies are responsible for global warming, except for when it is fake and made up by Al Gore the Cannibal.
• Science is not a democracy.
• Sweaters are best when they have V-necks and also are orange. REALLY orange.
  
• 9/11 didn't change the human population size in the world (WHAT?).
• It is February. Winter is over because GLOBAL WARMING IT IS KILLING US ALL (I am qualified to make this assessment because I am from Cleveland).
  
• Coal. On a plate.
• The Sims is useful for science experiments.
  
• BOLOGNA DETECTION.
  
• Don't eat zebras. It's bad for the environment and makes all the poor babies die even more than they do already.
• Impervious = NO PENETRATION.
• West Virginia kills the most babies ever. This is because of COAL.
  
• Probably we are all going to die.

(We stole most of these fun facts from our notes, which also include things such as pictures of vagina octupi and pollution with a penis. A RED penis, at that.)

Science is the best because we learn SO MUCH and also because we play a lot of internet Scrabble (I mean Lexulous, don't sue us plz) and learn many words that use Q with no U and also "wickapes." Also sometimes we get to look at pictures of cool animals like the BIGGEST WEASEL EVER that is the size of a greyhound and also frogs. And lizards and reptiles and bugs maybe.

DID YOU KNOW? That there's a kind of beetle with a pokey spiky penis that can spread its babymaking better because its penis is the scariest bitch that ever lived? It's true. Beetle rape is the best part of science. LOOK IT UP. Actually don't, we did it for you.

We didn't learn that in science class, though. (Otherwise it would be in our bullet-point list.)

BEEF PRICES?

(Yes.)


XOXO,
Gossip Geckos


Science.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday Myspace, Today BLOGGING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING

Having graduated from the unfortunate world of Myspace!!!!!?!?!?!!!!!111!!11?! (in that way where we will still myspace the shit out of every day ever even though we only have 3 friends at the moment) we've found ourselves seeking a creative wordy outlet to express our many thoughts and wonders and desires. Also there will be pictures.

This is what we're leaving behind/continuing in shame and amusement:

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

COOKIE TIMEZ Current mood: betrayed Today I'm going to be real with you. This is actually TWO PEOPLE OMGOMGOMG. Since we have TOTALLY DIFFERENT INTERESTS this whole myspace seems a little bipolar. Or 13. In other news today we made WEST VIRGINIA COOKIES. OMGOMGOMG. They are the color of a strangled dead person; it's real great. Expect photos someday. They are also in the shapes of hot-dogs and trilobites and hearts. PENIS HEARTS OF LOVE FOREVER. "OH SHITTING GOD DAMN SHIT FUCKING ASSHOLE OH MY GOD COOKIE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!" Fin.

And now, we begin our adventure into the wonderful world of blogging. Here's to a new era of ridiculousness. And penises. So many penises.

xoxo,
Lindsay and Alison


P.S. BE OUR MYSPACE FRIEND LOL
http://www.myspace.com/chuckbassisboobzilla