"I'm an old-fashioned swamp lover myself..."

APPARENTLY, all the water ever on the earth is disappearing, which blows real hard. One time, the government was all, "You know what we DON'T need? Those god damn swamp bullshits." So then they paid SWAMPBUSTERS to drain all the swamps. This is why we are the smartest country ever. (Even though, in all fairness, this was a long long time ago, like before Britney Spears. And not just Womanizer-era Britney Spears, either. This was like WAY long ago, like before Baby One More Time and everything. You know, before she shaved her head, and even before she became a whore. And WAY before K-Fed and also Jamie Lynn popping out like 17 babies. Not to mention before Britney even pooped out a baby. We're talking practically the Stone Age. But with fewer swamps.)

(Britney Spears, circa CRAZY TIME 2000-something)

Blog, it's been kind of a while, like a week maybe, and we feel kind of bad about that, but we've been busy with some organic garden bullshit and its been taking a toll on our ability to blog, since there's no other time we aren't sleeping or getting it on if we aren't in this class. Maybe homework or eatin or some shit, but damn there ain't been no bloggin time. What are we going to do after this class?

(Father Time, bein a bitch and not letting us blog, circa 2009)

SUPER POLL 2009!!!!!! What should we do when we aren't together this summer?

1. SEPARATE BLOGGING (this one makes me weep a little)
   
2. VIDEOBLOGGING (I don't even know how to do that shit, but we could probably make it happen... but I don't really want it to, let's be real, you don't need to hear us and have to look at us and stuff. Maybe if we wore masks)
   
3. BLOGGING IN ITALY FOREVER! (yes) (but what about the summer when we are takin care of kids and some shit?!?!)
4. LETTING THE BLOG DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE :( :( :( :( :( :( :9 (but let's be real, no one wants that... our incredibly loyal and violent fanbase would rise up in protest and shank one million bitches at least (and while the world could deal with less bitches, we don't want our following imprisoned... yet.)

(The Great Blog Protest, circa THE FUTURE)

OH MY GOD THE DEAD ZONE. You can't escape this shit. I mean, you can TRY, but it will always find you. It knows where you are, and what you're thinking, and what you ate for dinner and the last time you pooped and EVERYTHING. It is like God in that way. Or Santa Claus. Or Sherlock Holmes/William of Baskerville. (Discussion question: Are medieval literature references ever appropriate in blogs? If so, how many may one make before he or she deserves to be ritually slaughtered?) (Note: We did write a whole article in medieval tongue... BUT IT WAS ABOUT CHUCK BASS II, which makes it more than ok.)

I think that's everything useful we have to say.

XOXO,
Gossip Swamps

HELLO AGAIN BLOG. BOY DO WE HAVE A STORY FOR YOU!!!!!

It's been a while, but now we are back... ish.

AND WE GOT A FISH OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

He is a Betta fish and his name is Chuck Bass II.

The Epic Story of Chuck Bass II (Part I)

Once upon a time, on a cold January day, there lived in Wooster two lasses of loneliness desperate for a friend. (Another friend, since they were also friends.) Their other friend, Sir Nathaniel Hoover, happened to know a great deal about fishes, which is a weird thing to know about, but they didn't judge.

"SIR NATHANIEL HOOVER," Lindsay cried through the internets, "WILT THOU ACCOMPANY A PAIR OF DAMOSELS ON THEIR QUEST TO MAKE A FISHY FRIEND?????"

And Sir Nathaniel Hoover said yes. Also they agreed to meet at the far pavilion.

And so the three friends journeyed to the forest Pet Store where they saw much fishes and were wonderly pleased. There were many great fishes, but none that stirred the hearts of the two damosels. And they searched for much time, but to no avail, and so were quite passingly wroth.

BUT THEN one of the damosels reached her pale white hand, clad in the finest samite, into the very darkest reaches of the very highest and most dangerous of shelves of fishes.

"BEHOLD!" Dame Alison announced. "I HAVE FOUND THE GREATEST FISH IN ALL THE LAND." And so it was.

The fish was clad in the reddest of all armours. He swam wonderly well and had upon him purple scales likened to the armour of the noblest of kings. He had the nose of a swine or else a Roman emperor and intelligence to match any other fish of his kind. His eyes shone brighter than the finest of precious jewels and his tail waved about like the finest hair of much fine and noble horses. He had all the nobility of a knight and possessed much worshipfulness.

Thus, with the swiftness of many great knights, the two damosels made purchase of the fish and all its accoutrements. And the fish was knighted Sir Chuck Bass II and he had many great deeds and adventures.

The end.

Fin.

PICTURES LOL.

No, for real. Chuck Bass II is the red thing.


(For Chuck Bass II, see top right hand bowl area. [Your right, our left.])


OH FUCK SHOULD'VE USED A CONDOM SHIT. KIDS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE SEX. ALSO THEN YOU DIE.


Coming Soon:

• Chuck Bass II Furnishes His Home
• Chuck Bass II Gets Friends
• Chuck Bass II Attacks
• Chuck Bass II Almost Dies When Lindsay Forgets to Purify His Water
• Chuck Bass II Almost Suffocates on His Own Poop When Alison Doesn't Change His Damn Water

xoxo,
Gossip Girl