"I'm an old-fashioned swamp lover myself..."

APPARENTLY, all the water ever on the earth is disappearing, which blows real hard. One time, the government was all, "You know what we DON'T need? Those god damn swamp bullshits." So then they paid SWAMPBUSTERS to drain all the swamps. This is why we are the smartest country ever. (Even though, in all fairness, this was a long long time ago, like before Britney Spears. And not just Womanizer-era Britney Spears, either. This was like WAY long ago, like before Baby One More Time and everything. You know, before she shaved her head, and even before she became a whore. And WAY before K-Fed and also Jamie Lynn popping out like 17 babies. Not to mention before Britney even pooped out a baby. We're talking practically the Stone Age. But with fewer swamps.)

(Britney Spears, circa CRAZY TIME 2000-something)

Blog, it's been kind of a while, like a week maybe, and we feel kind of bad about that, but we've been busy with some organic garden bullshit and its been taking a toll on our ability to blog, since there's no other time we aren't sleeping or getting it on if we aren't in this class. Maybe homework or eatin or some shit, but damn there ain't been no bloggin time. What are we going to do after this class?

(Father Time, bein a bitch and not letting us blog, circa 2009)

SUPER POLL 2009!!!!!! What should we do when we aren't together this summer?

1. SEPARATE BLOGGING (this one makes me weep a little)
   
2. VIDEOBLOGGING (I don't even know how to do that shit, but we could probably make it happen... but I don't really want it to, let's be real, you don't need to hear us and have to look at us and stuff. Maybe if we wore masks)
   
3. BLOGGING IN ITALY FOREVER! (yes) (but what about the summer when we are takin care of kids and some shit?!?!)
4. LETTING THE BLOG DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE :( :( :( :( :( :( :9 (but let's be real, no one wants that... our incredibly loyal and violent fanbase would rise up in protest and shank one million bitches at least (and while the world could deal with less bitches, we don't want our following imprisoned... yet.)

(The Great Blog Protest, circa THE FUTURE)

OH MY GOD THE DEAD ZONE. You can't escape this shit. I mean, you can TRY, but it will always find you. It knows where you are, and what you're thinking, and what you ate for dinner and the last time you pooped and EVERYTHING. It is like God in that way. Or Santa Claus. Or Sherlock Holmes/William of Baskerville. (Discussion question: Are medieval literature references ever appropriate in blogs? If so, how many may one make before he or she deserves to be ritually slaughtered?) (Note: We did write a whole article in medieval tongue... BUT IT WAS ABOUT CHUCK BASS II, which makes it more than ok.)

I think that's everything useful we have to say.

XOXO,
Gossip Swamps

BORED IN YOUR CAFETERIA?!?!! OMG GAMES.

Because science (esp. polar bear class) is bullshit, we're going to mix things up and help out the community by talking, not about science, but about sweet and radical games you can play in your own college cafeterias.


Find the Hot Girl (for 2-17 players)
Depending on your college campus, this game could prove incredibly challenging.



What you need:

• Eyes
• A good seat for creeping
• A hot girl

Instructions: Gather your friends and sit around a table in your cafeteria. Without being too obvious (it's a good idea to have food and drinks to at least look as though you should be there), look for a hot girl. When you've found one, point her out. You only win if everyone agrees she's hot.

I Spy a Creeper (for 2-infinite players)
Depending on your college campus, this game could be far too easy.



What you need:

• Eyes
• A well-developed sense of social acceptability
  
• Creepers

Instructions: As above, except that you're looking for the most creepy/ugly/disgusting/terrifying/unhygienic diners you can find. Also, no one wins. If you really need a winner, assign points to certain habitual creepers. The first to find them gets the points.

HINT: NEVER use the creepers' real names. Instead, assign them nicknames. Some examples include: Fox Hat Girl, Weasel Chin, Goatbeard, Baby Clown Girl, Freakishly Tall Kid, Ugly Jesus, etc.

What Is It? (for 2-infinite players)
Sometimes there are people whose gender is ambiguous. This game attempts to solve such ambiguities.


What you need:

• Eyes
• An "it"
• An inappropriate level of boldness (this game often requires it)
  

Instructions: Carefully watch as diners move about the cafeteria. If you spot a person whose gender appears questionable, announce "BOY OR GIRL?!?!" Your table then commences to speculate on the gender of the person in question. You win if you can definitively prove whether "it" is a boy or a girl.

HINT: Interaction IS allowed. However, you cannot actually ask the person their gender. This is considered a serious breach of the rules and will result in immediate disqualification.

Couple Creepin' (for 2-however many players can handle it)
Sometimes, people think that a college cafeteria is an appropriate place to touch each other. Usually, these people are incredibly unattractive.


What you need:

• Eyes
• Fucking creepy couples
• A strong constitution

Instructions: Identify and point out for your friends/tablemates gross couples engaging in highly inappropriate physical activities (some of these activities include: holding hands while eating, nuzzling, putting scarves on one another, sitting on each other's laps, prolonged goodbyes involving more kissing than anyone ever wanted to see while eating shitty cafeteria food, etc). Watch them until you can't take it anymore. You win if they stop while you're watching. You lose if they catch you creeping. Or in general, actually.


P.S. Taylor would like you to know that babies are NOT dildos.

XOXO,
Gossip Games

Science: Real Good or THE BEST EVER??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

(Neither.)

Things We Have Learned So Far in SCIENCE:

• No more forests or prairies. :(
  
• Pixies are responsible for global warming, except for when it is fake and made up by Al Gore the Cannibal.
• Science is not a democracy.
• Sweaters are best when they have V-necks and also are orange. REALLY orange.
  
• 9/11 didn't change the human population size in the world (WHAT?).
• It is February. Winter is over because GLOBAL WARMING IT IS KILLING US ALL (I am qualified to make this assessment because I am from Cleveland).
  
• Coal. On a plate.
• The Sims is useful for science experiments.
  
• BOLOGNA DETECTION.
  
• Don't eat zebras. It's bad for the environment and makes all the poor babies die even more than they do already.
• Impervious = NO PENETRATION.
• West Virginia kills the most babies ever. This is because of COAL.
  
• Probably we are all going to die.

(We stole most of these fun facts from our notes, which also include things such as pictures of vagina octupi and pollution with a penis. A RED penis, at that.)

Science is the best because we learn SO MUCH and also because we play a lot of internet Scrabble (I mean Lexulous, don't sue us plz) and learn many words that use Q with no U and also "wickapes." Also sometimes we get to look at pictures of cool animals like the BIGGEST WEASEL EVER that is the size of a greyhound and also frogs. And lizards and reptiles and bugs maybe.

DID YOU KNOW? That there's a kind of beetle with a pokey spiky penis that can spread its babymaking better because its penis is the scariest bitch that ever lived? It's true. Beetle rape is the best part of science. LOOK IT UP. Actually don't, we did it for you.

We didn't learn that in science class, though. (Otherwise it would be in our bullet-point list.)

BEEF PRICES?

(Yes.)


XOXO,
Gossip Geckos


Science.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday Myspace, Today BLOGGING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING

Having graduated from the unfortunate world of Myspace!!!!!?!?!?!!!!!111!!11?! (in that way where we will still myspace the shit out of every day ever even though we only have 3 friends at the moment) we've found ourselves seeking a creative wordy outlet to express our many thoughts and wonders and desires. Also there will be pictures.

This is what we're leaving behind/continuing in shame and amusement:

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

COOKIE TIMEZ Current mood: betrayed Today I'm going to be real with you. This is actually TWO PEOPLE OMGOMGOMG. Since we have TOTALLY DIFFERENT INTERESTS this whole myspace seems a little bipolar. Or 13. In other news today we made WEST VIRGINIA COOKIES. OMGOMGOMG. They are the color of a strangled dead person; it's real great. Expect photos someday. They are also in the shapes of hot-dogs and trilobites and hearts. PENIS HEARTS OF LOVE FOREVER. "OH SHITTING GOD DAMN SHIT FUCKING ASSHOLE OH MY GOD COOKIE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!" Fin.

And now, we begin our adventure into the wonderful world of blogging. Here's to a new era of ridiculousness. And penises. So many penises.

xoxo,
Lindsay and Alison


P.S. BE OUR MYSPACE FRIEND LOL
http://www.myspace.com/chuckbassisboobzilla