BORED IN YOUR CAFETERIA?!?!! OMG GAMES.

Because science (esp. polar bear class) is bullshit, we're going to mix things up and help out the community by talking, not about science, but about sweet and radical games you can play in your own college cafeterias.


Find the Hot Girl (for 2-17 players)
Depending on your college campus, this game could prove incredibly challenging.



What you need:

• Eyes
• A good seat for creeping
• A hot girl

Instructions: Gather your friends and sit around a table in your cafeteria. Without being too obvious (it's a good idea to have food and drinks to at least look as though you should be there), look for a hot girl. When you've found one, point her out. You only win if everyone agrees she's hot.

I Spy a Creeper (for 2-infinite players)
Depending on your college campus, this game could be far too easy.



What you need:

• Eyes
• A well-developed sense of social acceptability
  
• Creepers

Instructions: As above, except that you're looking for the most creepy/ugly/disgusting/terrifying/unhygienic diners you can find. Also, no one wins. If you really need a winner, assign points to certain habitual creepers. The first to find them gets the points.

HINT: NEVER use the creepers' real names. Instead, assign them nicknames. Some examples include: Fox Hat Girl, Weasel Chin, Goatbeard, Baby Clown Girl, Freakishly Tall Kid, Ugly Jesus, etc.

What Is It? (for 2-infinite players)
Sometimes there are people whose gender is ambiguous. This game attempts to solve such ambiguities.


What you need:

• Eyes
• An "it"
• An inappropriate level of boldness (this game often requires it)
  

Instructions: Carefully watch as diners move about the cafeteria. If you spot a person whose gender appears questionable, announce "BOY OR GIRL?!?!" Your table then commences to speculate on the gender of the person in question. You win if you can definitively prove whether "it" is a boy or a girl.

HINT: Interaction IS allowed. However, you cannot actually ask the person their gender. This is considered a serious breach of the rules and will result in immediate disqualification.

Couple Creepin' (for 2-however many players can handle it)
Sometimes, people think that a college cafeteria is an appropriate place to touch each other. Usually, these people are incredibly unattractive.


What you need:

• Eyes
• Fucking creepy couples
• A strong constitution

Instructions: Identify and point out for your friends/tablemates gross couples engaging in highly inappropriate physical activities (some of these activities include: holding hands while eating, nuzzling, putting scarves on one another, sitting on each other's laps, prolonged goodbyes involving more kissing than anyone ever wanted to see while eating shitty cafeteria food, etc). Watch them until you can't take it anymore. You win if they stop while you're watching. You lose if they catch you creeping. Or in general, actually.


P.S. Taylor would like you to know that babies are NOT dildos.

XOXO,
Gossip Games

A DEAD ZONE THE SIZE OF TEXAS OMG OMG OMG

I'm not sure where this is because I wasn't listening, but that's a fucking big dead zone.

So it's MARCH 24 and we are back after two long and grueling weeks of spring break. It's polar bear class time and we just learned that we're all going to die. Again. This is a common theme in polar bear class, along with GLOBAL WARMING and pixies and shit.

OH SHIT THE SAHARA IS CREEPING SOUTH. Someone stop it before it eats all the babies. Speaking of creeping, apparently things creeped all over the place in Bible times. God was all, "Noah, build a big fucking boat 'cause I'm gonna fuck up your shit, oh p.s. take some of those creeping things that creep along the earth and are creeping." Not even kidding. Also, a direct quote.

GOD DAMN POLAR BEAR CLASS IS LONG. (like my penis lolololololol)

Speaking of ... nothing we were speaking of, let's talk about DREAMS THAT INCLUDE BEARD HOODS AND C-SECTION 1-INCH BABIES.

...

Actually, let's not.

Polar bear class professor: "I love meat. I. LOVE. MEAT."

In other news, Bryn is a pansy-ass bitch.


XOXO,
Gossip Creeps

If it isn't animated, click on it.

XOXO,
Gossip Treadmills

OH SHIT POLAR BEARS FUCK!!!!!!!! Or, Basically What We're Gonna Do is Dance.

Science is so great. And so sad. :( :( :( :9

ALSO. BUSH MEAT. What is it? Eating monkeys, apparently. (OR GEORGE BUSH'S PENIS?!!????? Shit.)

In other news that is not science, today at lunch we talked a lot about Austin's weiner. Last night, we had a wild wild dance party in our underwear to Katy Perry + Avril Lavigne + High School Musical and it was SO GREAT especially the part where Taylor left for a long time because she hates fun and also the part where probably the Annex kids across from our window saw us in our underwear dance-thrusting all over the place. Unfortunately we forgot to raptor dance, which just means we will have to do it again soon.

Also. Just saying.

Sometimes, in the world, weird shit happens.



XOXO,
Gossip Bears in Our Underwears

Science: Real Good or THE BEST EVER??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

(Neither.)

Things We Have Learned So Far in SCIENCE:

• No more forests or prairies. :(
  
• Pixies are responsible for global warming, except for when it is fake and made up by Al Gore the Cannibal.
• Science is not a democracy.
• Sweaters are best when they have V-necks and also are orange. REALLY orange.
  
• 9/11 didn't change the human population size in the world (WHAT?).
• It is February. Winter is over because GLOBAL WARMING IT IS KILLING US ALL (I am qualified to make this assessment because I am from Cleveland).
  
• Coal. On a plate.
• The Sims is useful for science experiments.
  
• BOLOGNA DETECTION.
  
• Don't eat zebras. It's bad for the environment and makes all the poor babies die even more than they do already.
• Impervious = NO PENETRATION.
• West Virginia kills the most babies ever. This is because of COAL.
  
• Probably we are all going to die.

(We stole most of these fun facts from our notes, which also include things such as pictures of vagina octupi and pollution with a penis. A RED penis, at that.)

Science is the best because we learn SO MUCH and also because we play a lot of internet Scrabble (I mean Lexulous, don't sue us plz) and learn many words that use Q with no U and also "wickapes." Also sometimes we get to look at pictures of cool animals like the BIGGEST WEASEL EVER that is the size of a greyhound and also frogs. And lizards and reptiles and bugs maybe.

DID YOU KNOW? That there's a kind of beetle with a pokey spiky penis that can spread its babymaking better because its penis is the scariest bitch that ever lived? It's true. Beetle rape is the best part of science. LOOK IT UP. Actually don't, we did it for you.

We didn't learn that in science class, though. (Otherwise it would be in our bullet-point list.)

BEEF PRICES?

(Yes.)


XOXO,
Gossip Geckos


Science.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 80s - ARE THEY BACK??????

(No.)

However, a lot of important things have come out of the 80s like awfully terribly wonderful party themes for white people. And yellow blazers. And neon tights. AND PORK: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT SUNGLASSES!!!!!!!

Lately at the CoW, things have been a wee bit stressful but thankfully like all successful college students, we've been getting a little bit wasted and a lot of bit ridiculous pretty much every day, especially weekdays. Sometimes we also smoke things that are not technically legal. But only sometimes. And only while crossing Beall at like 11 o'clock, and why are we wasted at 11 again? Seems a little early. Sometimes we also drunk dial all of our sober friends at like 10 o'clock and tell them all about how we're wearing neon tights and no shirt. Things like that happen.

It's fuckin' Wooster, man.

(We put shirts back on before we drunkenly crossed Beall while smoking a joint, so no worries. Some of us actually never lost their shirts. Weird.)

In other news,

Chuck Bass II is doing pretty well with his plants and his penis snails. Except for the part where Lindsay almost killed him AGAIN by making him flop all over the desk (which, in case you were wondering, is NOT filled with water). Also forgot those damn drops again. Motherfucker, how am I supposed to remember that shit? OH the water you drink every day is actually FISH POISON WATER, seriously? What's up with that?

Speaking of Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl has not been on for like TWO WEEKS or some shit? What is that? The CW is a bunch of bitchass hookers. More importantly, the Office won't be new this week AGAIN. What is this mid-season we're going to take away the best shows bullshit? Fuck that. I'm We're going to shank so many hoes. NBC, CW. Just you wait.

Also, speaking of things that are bullshit, what is up with people just all up and jaunting off to Chicago for, like, PEACE and shit? No one likes peace anyway, and Quakers are only good for oatmeal (and even then, not that great).

[There was a section about sex here, but we took it out for everyone's sakes. Also because it was too graphic and we don't want to unleash our erotic fiction talents quite yet. Erotic fiction? Erotic facts!]

This is so much better than homework.

Also better than homework: The 80's.


That's all, gentle readers. (I like the part where no one is actually reading this.)

XOXO,
Gossip Carrots

HELLO AGAIN BLOG. BOY DO WE HAVE A STORY FOR YOU!!!!!

It's been a while, but now we are back... ish.

AND WE GOT A FISH OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

He is a Betta fish and his name is Chuck Bass II.

The Epic Story of Chuck Bass II (Part I)

Once upon a time, on a cold January day, there lived in Wooster two lasses of loneliness desperate for a friend. (Another friend, since they were also friends.) Their other friend, Sir Nathaniel Hoover, happened to know a great deal about fishes, which is a weird thing to know about, but they didn't judge.

"SIR NATHANIEL HOOVER," Lindsay cried through the internets, "WILT THOU ACCOMPANY A PAIR OF DAMOSELS ON THEIR QUEST TO MAKE A FISHY FRIEND?????"

And Sir Nathaniel Hoover said yes. Also they agreed to meet at the far pavilion.

And so the three friends journeyed to the forest Pet Store where they saw much fishes and were wonderly pleased. There were many great fishes, but none that stirred the hearts of the two damosels. And they searched for much time, but to no avail, and so were quite passingly wroth.

BUT THEN one of the damosels reached her pale white hand, clad in the finest samite, into the very darkest reaches of the very highest and most dangerous of shelves of fishes.

"BEHOLD!" Dame Alison announced. "I HAVE FOUND THE GREATEST FISH IN ALL THE LAND." And so it was.

The fish was clad in the reddest of all armours. He swam wonderly well and had upon him purple scales likened to the armour of the noblest of kings. He had the nose of a swine or else a Roman emperor and intelligence to match any other fish of his kind. His eyes shone brighter than the finest of precious jewels and his tail waved about like the finest hair of much fine and noble horses. He had all the nobility of a knight and possessed much worshipfulness.

Thus, with the swiftness of many great knights, the two damosels made purchase of the fish and all its accoutrements. And the fish was knighted Sir Chuck Bass II and he had many great deeds and adventures.

The end.

Fin.

PICTURES LOL.

No, for real. Chuck Bass II is the red thing.


(For Chuck Bass II, see top right hand bowl area. [Your right, our left.])


OH FUCK SHOULD'VE USED A CONDOM SHIT. KIDS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE SEX. ALSO THEN YOU DIE.


Coming Soon:

• Chuck Bass II Furnishes His Home
• Chuck Bass II Gets Friends
• Chuck Bass II Attacks
• Chuck Bass II Almost Dies When Lindsay Forgets to Purify His Water
• Chuck Bass II Almost Suffocates on His Own Poop When Alison Doesn't Change His Damn Water

xoxo,
Gossip Girl